The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
