Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
