my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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