I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
