Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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