Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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