I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
