I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
whose parrot is this?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
