I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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