sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
