i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
