no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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