bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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