i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
