i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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