how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
