I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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