That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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