This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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