did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
