So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
