You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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