That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
