I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
