I cockslap morals
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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