the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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