we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
