My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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