question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
