if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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