But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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