Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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