Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize