At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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