i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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