I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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