her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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