I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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