6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
