Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
