Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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