you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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