my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it hurts more in the daytime
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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