Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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