I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
not ubering you a puppy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
