My brain says no but my pants say off.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
