apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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