His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
