you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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