She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
