I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
