Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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