the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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