i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
