I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
