So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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