this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
