How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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