Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
