that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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