i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
