I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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