you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
