If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
