you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
