What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
