Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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