I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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