Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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