Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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