my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
